


can't take back the words I never said

by cryingintheclub



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Heartache, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 01:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12784311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingintheclub/pseuds/cryingintheclub
Summary: Ever since that night, Aaron’s been thinking of the words he never said to Jack. And ever since that night, he's been thinking how different things would have turned out if he had just said them





	can't take back the words I never said

**Author's Note:**

> ❝It’s funny  
> how all those things I  
> could have said  
> flooded my head after we said goodbye❞ 
> 
> \- shane l. koyczan

Aaron can pinpoint the day he first saw Jack. He met the bubbly teenager with a shit eating grin when he arrived at Arsenal for the first time in 2008, after getting lost in the training centre and ending up in the gym instead of the field. 

 

(Don’t ask how). 

 

They clicked instantly, although quite unusually to everybody, with Jack’s extroverted personality compared to Aaron’s withdrawn tendencies.  

 

But nonetheless they clicked instantly, as though they had known each other their whole lives. 

 

Naturally, they began to become more than friends - because friends don’t kiss each other often and friends don’t end up tangled in sheets several hours after, catching their breaths and slicked with sweat. 

 

And naturally, Aaron and Jack never put a label on their relationship, two boys too afraid to ask the question they were both dying afraid, both of them not having the courage to put everything out on the open. So instead they kissed each other fiercely, in an attempt to convey the words they wanted to say. 

 

Together, they conquered the world, Arsenal’s name written in glory and underlined in victory, success sweet as the alcohol in their hands as they celebrated their triumphs with the team as well as in private, behind closed doors. 

 

Aaron thought what he and Jack had was unbreakable, until the day they shattered, falling into a million pieces, just like a vase. And they could never be restored completely, into what they were before they broke, the pieces never quite fitting the way they used to. 

 

Aaron remembers that night vividly. He remembers the way Jack looked at him, dark eyes blazing with a fury Aaron had never seen before. The image is forever imprinted in his mind like a tattoo, his heart still clenching to this day. 

 

_ The two of them were wrapped up in each other’s arms, listening to the rain drizzle outside, a sound which always calmed Aaron down and made him feel at ease. Aaron was aimlessly scrolling on his phone, liking some pictures when something caught his eye. As he looked closely, he saw it was a picture of Jack in a Bournemouth jersey, headlined with _ ‘Gunner Jack Wilshere is a Gunner no more _ ’ _ . 

 

_ Aaron felt his stomach turn into knots uncomfortably as he continued to read the article that was linked with the picture. His brow furrowed as he pursed his lips.  _

 

_ “Aaron, what’s wrong?” he heard Jack ask, who was scrolling through his own phone.  _

 

_ “When were you going to tell me?” Aaron asked harshly, practically shoving his phone in Jack’s face. “After I did read the article or after you didn’t show up to training?”  _

 

_ Jack’s face began to pale, as he looked helplessly at Aaron. “I-I didn’t know how to tell you,” he confessed, eyes darting.  _

 

_ “So you decided fucking my brains out was the way to go?” Aaron snapped, liquid brown eyes blazing angry.  _

 

_ “ _ No _!” Jack exclaimed forcefully, voice cracking. Softening he added, “I didn’t know how to tell you because I was worried about how you would react.” Jack’s gaze averted from Aaron to the white linen bedsheets on Aaron’s bed.  _

 

_ “How could you not trust me after everything we’ve been through? Do you really think that lowly of me that I would toss you aside because you’re leaving the club?” Aaron hissed, blood boiling, face red with anger.  _

 

_ Aaron saw Jack’s neck vein begin to pop and his neck began to turn the same shade as Aaron’s. “You don’t understand how  _ embarrassing _ it is for you’re boss to tell you you’re not wanted anymore, Aaron,” he snapped, his hands forming fists, knuckles turning white from the strain. _

 

_ “I don’t understand? Are you even listening to yourself? Of  _ course _ I know what it’s like to be told you’re not wanted anymore, Jack, because I’ve been sold on loan too!” Aaron yelled.  _

 

_ “You were barely an adult then, it doesn’t even count!” Jack screamed, face flushed with anger as he pushed Aaron away forcefully.  _

 

_ “It doesn’t count? Are you even listening to what’s coming out of you’re mouth?” Aaron spat, glaring harshly at Jack.  _

 

_ “If I had known you were going to act like a child I would have never came over,” Jack muttered, glaring back at Aaron.  _

 

_ “Maybe you shouldn’t have,” Aaron spat back. “In fact, maybe you should never come back at all if I’m not mature enough for you.”  _

 

_ “I never said that, Aaron,” Jack cried out exasperatedly.  _

 

_ “But you were implying it,” Aaron replied stonily.  _

 

_ There was a long moment of silence before Jack opened his mouth to speak, but Aaron beat him to it. “I think you should go,” he whispered quietly, not looking at Jack.  _

 

_ “Aaron..”  _

 

_ Aaron shook his head forcefully, “I think it’s best if you leave.”  _

 

_ “Aaron please, we need to talk,” Jack pleaded, his voice cracking.   _

 

_ Aaron forced himself to not look at Jack. He that if he did, he would lose the little composure he had left. And he couldn’t break in front of Jack. He couldn’t.  _

 

_ “Everything has been said, there’s nothing more to talk about. Whatever we had is over Jack, sorry I wasn’t what you wanted. Good luck for the future.” Aaron nearly shuddered at how robotic and distant he sounded. He almost didn’t recognise his own voice.  _

 

_ “Aaron,” Jack sobbed.  _

 

_ Aaron knew without looking that Jack was crying. But he refused to look up and continued to look at the wall.  _

 

_ There was silence for a few moments, until he heard the slamming of the apartment door and Aaron knew that was the moment he lost Jack forever.  _

 

_ Aaron felt cold tears drip down his cheeks as they clouded his vision. His stomach knotted once again as he made a heart stopping realisation.  _

 

_ “I.. love you,” Aaron sobbed out, as cold tears dripped down his face. He cradled his head in his hands, wondering how the hell he just let the best thing out of his life just like that.  _

  
  


Aaron knew he could never hold Jack they way he used to, Aaron knew he could never love Jack the way he used to, and that’s what haunted him at night, as he woke up to an empty bed, Jack’s side abandoned and cold, as though he had never been there in the first place. 

 

And this could have all been avoided if Aaron had just said those three words, the three words that Jack held dearly, those three words that would have washed all their worries away, making them believe they could overcome this, because they were  _ Aaron and Jack _ and  _ Jack and Aaron _ , because t _ hey were them _ . 

 

But yet, that night didn’t turn out that way. That night brought chaos and destruction, destroying everything in it’s path, destroying their relationship with a few wrong words. That destruction was Aaron himself, and himself was only to blame for their downfall. 

 

Aaron had lost sleep thinking about how if he only said the right words, their lives would be different. But he knew the what if’s running through his mind made the void in his heart deeper and the clenching of his chest hurt even more. 

 

_ If only Aaron had said the right words.  _

 

But Aaron couldn’t take back the words he never said. Instead, the words he should have said flooded him straight after the two said goodbye. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
